Letter from emtnlyfkd

Alright, Editor. This honestly may be the shortest gap between letters there's been in a really long time. But today just screamed to have a letter written about it. So, I don't know what it was about today, but I just wanted to die. Plus the fact that I forgot to take my medicine for a few days, but that's besides the point, right?

First off, Prom is coming up. Like as in this weekend. I'm super stressed about it because plans are still shakey and no one seems to know what's going on afterwards. To make this even better, the group I'm going with consists of my girlfriend, one of my good friends, her boy, and two other couples. Sounds fun, right? Wrong. The boys in the two other couples aggravate the living hell out of me. I just can't stand them They're obnoxious! But if I want to go with a group and all, I have to deal. It's just that, this is my Senior Prom. And I always thought that this night would be great; Everything I ever dreamed of. I feel like it's just going to bite me in the ass because of my being so ahead of my time. I have the mindset of a 30 year old, not a 17 going on 18 one. I know that I'm going to hate Prom, and theirs nothing I can do about it.

Then I got to thinking, why not just find some other friends? But wait.. who? I've seriously lost all connection with anyone I was ever close with, given the exception of one or two. Of course, those one or two don't even go to my school. I mean, sure, I have friends at school who I hang out with there. But I don't have any really GOOD friends. I don't know why. Is it me? Have I driven them away? Am I too picky? What is wrong with this picture! I'm going to graduate high school with no best friends. NONE. All I have is my girlfriend. That's it. And she's not even a Senior. I'll be leaving her in August. What the hell am I going to do then? I'm just so sick of having to worry about who I'll be with and where I'll be.

I was thinking on the way home from Florida about where I want to be in 10 years. And I have it practically planned. I'm ready to be in the working world. Teaching, directing. Still being involved with the things I love. But I don't need any friends, right? I mean, Occasionally I'll go to dinner with a few or something. But no one as a "best friend." What the hell does that mean anyway? I honestly feel like I'm way to messed up for my own good. It's true. I know it.

So to sum up the day, I hate my life. Period. I hate who I am, I hate who I've been, and I have no idea what I will think about who I will be. Fuck it.

Sorry about that, Editor. Every now and then I get a little anxious. Thanks for taking this letter, though. Just discard it after you read it. I don't want to start any shit with my "friends."

Sincerely,

emtnlyfkd