Okay, so in these last week of school I have to accomplish two major things. One: Write my 10-page Civics paper. Two: Perform a scene from The Tempest.
Let's start with the paper, shall we? Well, it's supposed to be on political parties. I honestly couldn't care less about politics. It's boring, it's stupid. Screw it. P.S. have I mentioned that I have to turn this paper in on Monday? Oh, and did I also mention that I haven't even started on it yet? Screwwww itttt. I'm probably going to bullshit the entire paper. Our instructor doesn't read it anyway. Ugh, I hate Civics! It's a class full of idiots anyway. They try so hard not to do anything, and they succeed. I would much rather be in a productive class than be in a class where we do nothing and I get nothing out of it. ugh.
So the second thing is the Tempest scene. It's from Act II, Scene ii. It takes place in a deserted place with Caliban (the monster), Trinculo, and Stefano (two drunks). They shipwrecked and meet the monster and it turns into a whole ordeal. The thing is though, this scene is our exam. Everyone else has to learn a one page scene from Macbeth, which is like 10x easier. This scene is three times as long and much more difficult. However, I went over it today with Lance and Johnny (my scene partners), and I think we can pull it off. Of course, it won't be easy. It will be quite a challenge. But then again, I do like a challenge, Don't I?
So, Editor. Can you do me a favor? Can you rewrite this whole "Story of my Life" and fastforward to Thursday? Then I'll be done with high school. Ugh. 4 days left. I'm dying. Whatever.
Sincerely,
Almsthr
Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Letter from prmisovr
Hey there, Editor. Last night was my Senior Prom. So I thought it would be a good idea to write to you about how the night went. This shouldn't be a terribly long letter, but I figured I would write anyway.
Okay, so first off, Lance and I started the day by going to Spencer's to see if we wanted to buy anything to, you know, prep for the after party. Well I got a shot glass that said "If you're happy and you know it, DO A SHOT!" It made me happy. I also got some beer pong glasses. Which I can't find at the moment. Whatever. So after that I went home and I thought I would take a short nap before I took a shower and got ready and such. So I set an alarm on my phone for 3:30. (Everyone was to meet at Devyn's for 5) Well, I wake up from my nap and I realized that I never heard my alarm go off. Well, it's 4:20. My alarm just decided not to go off. Okay, well actually I accidentally set it for 3:30 AM. I'm such a goof. So I got ready in 20 minutes. Like shower, shave, packed, tux and everything. I think I set a record. So I got to Devyn's at about 5:10 (not bad) and finally calmed down. We took pictures and left for American Sector for dinner.
This wasn't a particularly fancy place, but it was neat. There isn't really all that much to say about dinner. So I'll just move on.
The limo picked us up after dinner. This thing was amazing! We had about an hour to just drive around and party in the limo. Everyone was dancing on each other, the music was blaring. It was so much fun. We got to prom, and just kinda.. chilled. No one likes the actual dance. Well anyway! It was time for the presentation of Senior Favorites. I got Most LaSallian (go figure). Along with that, Lance got most spirited and Devyn got best smile. I like that two of my best friends got something. I voted for them too :]
So finally we were able to leave prom. The ride home on the limo was sooo much better than the ride there. The boys all took their tuxedos off besides the pants, so it was pretty much like a Chip'n'Dale night. It was just fun. Like really fun. anyway, we got back to Devyn's. and the games began! All the couples chose a color prior to the night and we had teams for a beer pong tournament. I drew a bracket and got really way too organized with the whole thing. But it worked out well. Of course, Tiff and I lost both of our matches (it was double-elimination). But still, it was a lot of fun.
But of course, I ended up getting quite intoxicated. Which I really don't mind. But, like every drunken night, I woke up being.. confused. Not in a "where am I?" sort of way. More like a "what do I want?" sort of way. I don't know what I want anymore. I really don't. Especially relationship-wise. It's just all too much. Whatever, I'm graduating soon. BYAHH.
So I guess that whole "going to be a short letter" thing kind of backfired, eh?
P.S. I took plenty of pictures. You should check them out. Thanks, Editor.
Sincerely,
prmisovr
Okay, so first off, Lance and I started the day by going to Spencer's to see if we wanted to buy anything to, you know, prep for the after party. Well I got a shot glass that said "If you're happy and you know it, DO A SHOT!" It made me happy. I also got some beer pong glasses. Which I can't find at the moment. Whatever. So after that I went home and I thought I would take a short nap before I took a shower and got ready and such. So I set an alarm on my phone for 3:30. (Everyone was to meet at Devyn's for 5) Well, I wake up from my nap and I realized that I never heard my alarm go off. Well, it's 4:20. My alarm just decided not to go off. Okay, well actually I accidentally set it for 3:30 AM. I'm such a goof. So I got ready in 20 minutes. Like shower, shave, packed, tux and everything. I think I set a record. So I got to Devyn's at about 5:10 (not bad) and finally calmed down. We took pictures and left for American Sector for dinner.
This wasn't a particularly fancy place, but it was neat. There isn't really all that much to say about dinner. So I'll just move on.
The limo picked us up after dinner. This thing was amazing! We had about an hour to just drive around and party in the limo. Everyone was dancing on each other, the music was blaring. It was so much fun. We got to prom, and just kinda.. chilled. No one likes the actual dance. Well anyway! It was time for the presentation of Senior Favorites. I got Most LaSallian (go figure). Along with that, Lance got most spirited and Devyn got best smile. I like that two of my best friends got something. I voted for them too :]
So finally we were able to leave prom. The ride home on the limo was sooo much better than the ride there. The boys all took their tuxedos off besides the pants, so it was pretty much like a Chip'n'Dale night. It was just fun. Like really fun. anyway, we got back to Devyn's. and the games began! All the couples chose a color prior to the night and we had teams for a beer pong tournament. I drew a bracket and got really way too organized with the whole thing. But it worked out well. Of course, Tiff and I lost both of our matches (it was double-elimination). But still, it was a lot of fun.
But of course, I ended up getting quite intoxicated. Which I really don't mind. But, like every drunken night, I woke up being.. confused. Not in a "where am I?" sort of way. More like a "what do I want?" sort of way. I don't know what I want anymore. I really don't. Especially relationship-wise. It's just all too much. Whatever, I'm graduating soon. BYAHH.
So I guess that whole "going to be a short letter" thing kind of backfired, eh?
P.S. I took plenty of pictures. You should check them out. Thanks, Editor.
Sincerely,
prmisovr
Monday, April 19, 2010
Letter from emtnlyfkd
Alright, Editor. This honestly may be the shortest gap between letters there's been in a really long time. But today just screamed to have a letter written about it. So, I don't know what it was about today, but I just wanted to die. Plus the fact that I forgot to take my medicine for a few days, but that's besides the point, right?
First off, Prom is coming up. Like as in this weekend. I'm super stressed about it because plans are still shakey and no one seems to know what's going on afterwards. To make this even better, the group I'm going with consists of my girlfriend, one of my good friends, her boy, and two other couples. Sounds fun, right? Wrong. The boys in the two other couples aggravate the living hell out of me. I just can't stand them They're obnoxious! But if I want to go with a group and all, I have to deal. It's just that, this is my Senior Prom. And I always thought that this night would be great; Everything I ever dreamed of. I feel like it's just going to bite me in the ass because of my being so ahead of my time. I have the mindset of a 30 year old, not a 17 going on 18 one. I know that I'm going to hate Prom, and theirs nothing I can do about it.
Then I got to thinking, why not just find some other friends? But wait.. who? I've seriously lost all connection with anyone I was ever close with, given the exception of one or two. Of course, those one or two don't even go to my school. I mean, sure, I have friends at school who I hang out with there. But I don't have any really GOOD friends. I don't know why. Is it me? Have I driven them away? Am I too picky? What is wrong with this picture! I'm going to graduate high school with no best friends. NONE. All I have is my girlfriend. That's it. And she's not even a Senior. I'll be leaving her in August. What the hell am I going to do then? I'm just so sick of having to worry about who I'll be with and where I'll be.
I was thinking on the way home from Florida about where I want to be in 10 years. And I have it practically planned. I'm ready to be in the working world. Teaching, directing. Still being involved with the things I love. But I don't need any friends, right? I mean, Occasionally I'll go to dinner with a few or something. But no one as a "best friend." What the hell does that mean anyway? I honestly feel like I'm way to messed up for my own good. It's true. I know it.
So to sum up the day, I hate my life. Period. I hate who I am, I hate who I've been, and I have no idea what I will think about who I will be. Fuck it.
Sorry about that, Editor. Every now and then I get a little anxious. Thanks for taking this letter, though. Just discard it after you read it. I don't want to start any shit with my "friends."
Sincerely,
emtnlyfkd
First off, Prom is coming up. Like as in this weekend. I'm super stressed about it because plans are still shakey and no one seems to know what's going on afterwards. To make this even better, the group I'm going with consists of my girlfriend, one of my good friends, her boy, and two other couples. Sounds fun, right? Wrong. The boys in the two other couples aggravate the living hell out of me. I just can't stand them They're obnoxious! But if I want to go with a group and all, I have to deal. It's just that, this is my Senior Prom. And I always thought that this night would be great; Everything I ever dreamed of. I feel like it's just going to bite me in the ass because of my being so ahead of my time. I have the mindset of a 30 year old, not a 17 going on 18 one. I know that I'm going to hate Prom, and theirs nothing I can do about it.
Then I got to thinking, why not just find some other friends? But wait.. who? I've seriously lost all connection with anyone I was ever close with, given the exception of one or two. Of course, those one or two don't even go to my school. I mean, sure, I have friends at school who I hang out with there. But I don't have any really GOOD friends. I don't know why. Is it me? Have I driven them away? Am I too picky? What is wrong with this picture! I'm going to graduate high school with no best friends. NONE. All I have is my girlfriend. That's it. And she's not even a Senior. I'll be leaving her in August. What the hell am I going to do then? I'm just so sick of having to worry about who I'll be with and where I'll be.
I was thinking on the way home from Florida about where I want to be in 10 years. And I have it practically planned. I'm ready to be in the working world. Teaching, directing. Still being involved with the things I love. But I don't need any friends, right? I mean, Occasionally I'll go to dinner with a few or something. But no one as a "best friend." What the hell does that mean anyway? I honestly feel like I'm way to messed up for my own good. It's true. I know it.
So to sum up the day, I hate my life. Period. I hate who I am, I hate who I've been, and I have no idea what I will think about who I will be. Fuck it.
Sorry about that, Editor. Every now and then I get a little anxious. Thanks for taking this letter, though. Just discard it after you read it. I don't want to start any shit with my "friends."
Sincerely,
emtnlyfkd
Monday, April 12, 2010
Letter from dstrssd
Oh, Editor. I've been told that my blog was missed, so I decided to write to you once again. Maybe this time I can keep it up? Who knows.
At any rate, now I am a second semester Senior, with like three weeks left. I love it. But, I'm getting a little lazy. Whatever. I finally decided on Spring Hill as my college of choice. It's in Mobile, Alabama. Can't wait for that!
Besides school, I just finished a production of Music For Spring at De La Salle. First Act was The Diary of Adam and Eve, in which I played Adam. I love that show, it's touching. Second Act was a musical review. I sang A LOT of songs. Which gave the De La Salle folks a chance to see exactly what I'm made of. Plus, it gave me some great experience. It was my last high school show, too! It's very sad. But sort of relieving. Whatever.
Of course, one thing I'm a little upset about is the lack of support from people. Both De La Salle students, and simply friends of mine who enjoy theatre. You would thing some people would be all for supporting local high school theatre. Well, apparently not. It's a little saddening to realize how some people's egos seem to get in the way of being kind and supportive. I mean, performers feel awesome when their friends come to see them. I had one or two very close friends come and see me. I have more friends than that, Editor.
I just don't know what I'm doing anymore regarding social life. I just don't care about searching for things to do, or people to see. Granted, if someone invites me to go somewhere, chances are I will oblige. But, I don't search for things to do as much anymore. Plus my romantic life is killing me. It's a long story, Editor, but I'm afraid things are going downhill. I love her though... It's difficult to explain.
Anyway, thanks for taking my letter. I appreciate your listening to my venting and whatnot.
Sincerely,
dstrssd
At any rate, now I am a second semester Senior, with like three weeks left. I love it. But, I'm getting a little lazy. Whatever. I finally decided on Spring Hill as my college of choice. It's in Mobile, Alabama. Can't wait for that!
Besides school, I just finished a production of Music For Spring at De La Salle. First Act was The Diary of Adam and Eve, in which I played Adam. I love that show, it's touching. Second Act was a musical review. I sang A LOT of songs. Which gave the De La Salle folks a chance to see exactly what I'm made of. Plus, it gave me some great experience. It was my last high school show, too! It's very sad. But sort of relieving. Whatever.
Of course, one thing I'm a little upset about is the lack of support from people. Both De La Salle students, and simply friends of mine who enjoy theatre. You would thing some people would be all for supporting local high school theatre. Well, apparently not. It's a little saddening to realize how some people's egos seem to get in the way of being kind and supportive. I mean, performers feel awesome when their friends come to see them. I had one or two very close friends come and see me. I have more friends than that, Editor.
I just don't know what I'm doing anymore regarding social life. I just don't care about searching for things to do, or people to see. Granted, if someone invites me to go somewhere, chances are I will oblige. But, I don't search for things to do as much anymore. Plus my romantic life is killing me. It's a long story, Editor, but I'm afraid things are going downhill. I love her though... It's difficult to explain.
Anyway, thanks for taking my letter. I appreciate your listening to my venting and whatnot.
Sincerely,
dstrssd
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Letter from lyfluvr
Dear Editor,
I haven't written to you in a while. I've been so busy with school. Let's recap, shall we?
Well, I am now a Senior, and it feels GREAT! Being President of Student Council is also fantastic. I like being a leader. It's always been something I've tried to do. It's not because of any of the perks I may get. It's more because I feel good when I help out. I'm trying to help students have an amazing school year. So far, I've been told I'm doing a good job. May I point out that I am not the only President. My Co-President, Javon, is my other half. We have gotten to be best friends since June. We used to talk a little, but we've gotten so much closer. I love her.
Anyway, what else is new?
I am still involved with theater. Oh! Brother Michael came back to direct at De La Salle! That's exciting news. He's the guy that founded La Troupe De La Salle. His first production is Our Town by Thorton Wilder in which I play Mr. Webb. I think the character fits me well and I think Br. Michael is an amazing director. I'm also doing Into the Woods at McGehee in which I play Cinderella's Prince. That's a lot of fun. It's my first big role in a musical, and I'm quite enjoying myself.
The whole "College" thing is a killer. I love high school, but I can't wait for college. But I don't know where I want to go yet! UGH. I have like 8 places in mind, but it really depends on where I can get the bigger scholarship. Wherever I go, I know that I want to get a degree in Secondary Education. That way, I can come back to De La Salle to teach. I can't wait for that!
Whenever something happens, I'll let you know, okay? Thanks for listening, Editor. You're great!
Signed,
lyfluvr
I haven't written to you in a while. I've been so busy with school. Let's recap, shall we?
Well, I am now a Senior, and it feels GREAT! Being President of Student Council is also fantastic. I like being a leader. It's always been something I've tried to do. It's not because of any of the perks I may get. It's more because I feel good when I help out. I'm trying to help students have an amazing school year. So far, I've been told I'm doing a good job. May I point out that I am not the only President. My Co-President, Javon, is my other half. We have gotten to be best friends since June. We used to talk a little, but we've gotten so much closer. I love her.
Anyway, what else is new?
I am still involved with theater. Oh! Brother Michael came back to direct at De La Salle! That's exciting news. He's the guy that founded La Troupe De La Salle. His first production is Our Town by Thorton Wilder in which I play Mr. Webb. I think the character fits me well and I think Br. Michael is an amazing director. I'm also doing Into the Woods at McGehee in which I play Cinderella's Prince. That's a lot of fun. It's my first big role in a musical, and I'm quite enjoying myself.
The whole "College" thing is a killer. I love high school, but I can't wait for college. But I don't know where I want to go yet! UGH. I have like 8 places in mind, but it really depends on where I can get the bigger scholarship. Wherever I go, I know that I want to get a degree in Secondary Education. That way, I can come back to De La Salle to teach. I can't wait for that!
Whenever something happens, I'll let you know, okay? Thanks for listening, Editor. You're great!
Signed,
lyfluvr
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wahmp.
Wow. A good bit has happened since I last updated. Let's start with work.
So I started work June 1st. I got hired at Bellemont Apartment Homes in Kenner working maintenance. Could you really see me working maintenance? Didn't think so. I'm more of a counter-top worker. Take that in whatever way you see fit. Well, anyway, my hours were 8:30 - 5:30, 5 days a week. That's worse than mother fucking school. After a week of doing that, and then going to rehearsal, I quit. I couldn't take it. Ugh. Overload.
So my birthday was on June 5th. I finally turned 17. Jeesh, I'm young. Anyway, one of my best friends and I got into an argument the day before we left for the beach house. Well, he ended up not coming up at all. So it was me, Lance, Jesse, Marissa, and Kelly in the car going to Waveland! So we got up there, settled in, chilled for a while. And then it was time for seafood! We ate crabs and crawfish galore! (I like how my computer says that crawfish is spelled wrong. It must be made in the north. They don't know what crawfish is). Anyway, while we were eating, my aunt comes in. And right behind her, BAM! Bryce, Hannah, and Dani. I was like WHAT THE FUCK. Apparently they were in Biloxi and came to see me. P.S. This was Bryce's birthday as well. Jesse apparently gave them directions on how to get there while we were driving and he was right fucking next to me. Damn. So we all went on the beach and chilled while having a drink. Then the mosquitoes were bad, so we went inside. Then we busted out with Spoons, UNO, and Taboo. Hannah won like every game of Spoons. Turns out she was playing it wrong. LOL! Taboo brought on some of the greatest quotes ever! Oh lord. Anyway, to sum up that night, it was really fun. I'm glad they came to see us. They eventually left and everyone went to sleep.
The next day was extremely interesting. Lance, Marissa, Kelly and I went to the beach. They discovered what mushyland was. And they hated it! So we went to get snowballs later and looked around the wasteland a bit. We decided on renting movies to watch that night, so we needed to find a rental place, right? Well Kelly whips out her iPhone and searches for some. Four results come up. Perfect. So we go looking for them. None of them are actually there. Then we remembered, "Oh yeah. This city was completely washed away by Katrina." So it took us about 30 minutes to find a rental store that was like a block from where we were. We felt like idiots. That sums up the weekend pretty much.
So we got back on Sunday, and they went home. I pretty much went straight to sleep. The next day was my last day at work (I quit the day after). And little did I know it would be my last day at rehearsal as well. So, I hadn't been enjoying Abner very much, and I was really tired every day after work. So I'm sitting in a corner minding my own business. Apparently I was supposed to be singing, but the song was pretty much over, so I thought "what's the point?" Well, my choreographer took me outside and yelled at me about disrespect. I told her I was thinking of dropping out anyway, and she told me to just leave. So, I did. I cried the entire way home. At that point, I had no idea what I was doing with my life.
So now that that was over with, I had more time for Yearbook and Student Council. I was at school like every day of the week. We finished the yearbook though! It's exciting. And Student Council is so much fun! I'm president, so I'm pretty much running the show, which is awesome. I text my disciplinarian all the time. I feel powerful. haha!
So here's the worst part of summer thus far. I was riding around English Turn with my friends yesterday, and we wanted to check out some of the new construction. I mean, who doesn't want to look at cool houses, right? Anyway, we (we meaning I) went into this house that looked like it was under construction and about to be finished. I was just looking around. Very harmless. I walk back outside, and this guy is standing there with my keys in his hand. He tells me I'm going to have to wait until the police arrive. I'm like "what?" He said, "You were in my house. I can take your keys." So apparently I trespassed. They almost pressed charges and I almost went to jail. Yeah, stupid Chase. I felt like an idiot. So my dad grounded me for the weekend, which means I can't go see Li'l Abner to support my friends whom I left. I feel so terrible for that. And due to my being grounded, I am here writing this blog. Interesting, eh?
And that's exactly how it happened. (More or less)
So I started work June 1st. I got hired at Bellemont Apartment Homes in Kenner working maintenance. Could you really see me working maintenance? Didn't think so. I'm more of a counter-top worker. Take that in whatever way you see fit. Well, anyway, my hours were 8:30 - 5:30, 5 days a week. That's worse than mother fucking school. After a week of doing that, and then going to rehearsal, I quit. I couldn't take it. Ugh. Overload.
So my birthday was on June 5th. I finally turned 17. Jeesh, I'm young. Anyway, one of my best friends and I got into an argument the day before we left for the beach house. Well, he ended up not coming up at all. So it was me, Lance, Jesse, Marissa, and Kelly in the car going to Waveland! So we got up there, settled in, chilled for a while. And then it was time for seafood! We ate crabs and crawfish galore! (I like how my computer says that crawfish is spelled wrong. It must be made in the north. They don't know what crawfish is). Anyway, while we were eating, my aunt comes in. And right behind her, BAM! Bryce, Hannah, and Dani. I was like WHAT THE FUCK. Apparently they were in Biloxi and came to see me. P.S. This was Bryce's birthday as well. Jesse apparently gave them directions on how to get there while we were driving and he was right fucking next to me. Damn. So we all went on the beach and chilled while having a drink. Then the mosquitoes were bad, so we went inside. Then we busted out with Spoons, UNO, and Taboo. Hannah won like every game of Spoons. Turns out she was playing it wrong. LOL! Taboo brought on some of the greatest quotes ever! Oh lord. Anyway, to sum up that night, it was really fun. I'm glad they came to see us. They eventually left and everyone went to sleep.
The next day was extremely interesting. Lance, Marissa, Kelly and I went to the beach. They discovered what mushyland was. And they hated it! So we went to get snowballs later and looked around the wasteland a bit. We decided on renting movies to watch that night, so we needed to find a rental place, right? Well Kelly whips out her iPhone and searches for some. Four results come up. Perfect. So we go looking for them. None of them are actually there. Then we remembered, "Oh yeah. This city was completely washed away by Katrina." So it took us about 30 minutes to find a rental store that was like a block from where we were. We felt like idiots. That sums up the weekend pretty much.
So we got back on Sunday, and they went home. I pretty much went straight to sleep. The next day was my last day at work (I quit the day after). And little did I know it would be my last day at rehearsal as well. So, I hadn't been enjoying Abner very much, and I was really tired every day after work. So I'm sitting in a corner minding my own business. Apparently I was supposed to be singing, but the song was pretty much over, so I thought "what's the point?" Well, my choreographer took me outside and yelled at me about disrespect. I told her I was thinking of dropping out anyway, and she told me to just leave. So, I did. I cried the entire way home. At that point, I had no idea what I was doing with my life.
So now that that was over with, I had more time for Yearbook and Student Council. I was at school like every day of the week. We finished the yearbook though! It's exciting. And Student Council is so much fun! I'm president, so I'm pretty much running the show, which is awesome. I text my disciplinarian all the time. I feel powerful. haha!
So here's the worst part of summer thus far. I was riding around English Turn with my friends yesterday, and we wanted to check out some of the new construction. I mean, who doesn't want to look at cool houses, right? Anyway, we (we meaning I) went into this house that looked like it was under construction and about to be finished. I was just looking around. Very harmless. I walk back outside, and this guy is standing there with my keys in his hand. He tells me I'm going to have to wait until the police arrive. I'm like "what?" He said, "You were in my house. I can take your keys." So apparently I trespassed. They almost pressed charges and I almost went to jail. Yeah, stupid Chase. I felt like an idiot. So my dad grounded me for the weekend, which means I can't go see Li'l Abner to support my friends whom I left. I feel so terrible for that. And due to my being grounded, I am here writing this blog. Interesting, eh?
And that's exactly how it happened. (More or less)
Friday, May 29, 2009
I'm just being bitchy.
So, I've told myself not to say things that are on my mind because it would make me sound like a huge self-centered bitch. But I just want to type it out and just get it off my chest. I really don't care who reads this.
I don't know why, but I have no self-esteem or confidence. Like, I don't think I am good at anything. I always think I finally found my niche (theater) and then I see and hear myself on film, and I absolutely hate it. Why can't I just be good at something? I mean like REALLY good. I don't know anything that I thoroughly enjoy that I'm good at.
Also, I am not confident with the group of friends I have. I know my status and I know what people think of me. Or do I? Am I just paranoid? I don't know. It's always been like this. With every group of friends I've had. That's why I keep quiet when there's a larger group. Even when it's like just me and two others, I keep quiet. I know that I can be annoying and completely naive. I know that people think I'm the dirtiest whore who only wants to get some action and then just walk off. I'm afraid that people tell me to my face that they are my friends, but they really aren't. I know people talk behind my back. I wish they wouldn't, and just be straight forward with me. I know what people think of me. And it makes me so upset to know that people think so low of me. I have no will power. I do what I'm asked of. I hate it. I don't like letting people down. I don't know. Something is wrong with me. I look up to so many people, but none look up to me. I'm not a role model. I have nothing to be proud of. I've fucked up in life so much, that there is no way I can get myself a good reputation. It's seriously pathetic.
I've been so stressed lately. I have no idea why. You would think that coming out with a C in English, the class I thought I was going to fail, would take huge bricks off my shoulders, right? Well, wrong. I'm still absolutely miserable every day. What is missing? I don't understand. Maybe once Abner is over with, things will get better. But I said that about school, but that obviously didn't work. What am I going to do with myself?
And Oh, Jesus. It ticks me off so much that literally my entire group of friends is going to be involved with this huge thing and those who organized it didn't say a word of it to me. I know I'm not amazing, but I want to be a part of it at least. His head is too big for his own body anyway. I don't know what to think of him. I need to sit down and talk to him about everything very soon. Ugh, I'm about to explode.
If you are going to comment negatively on this blog about how I should stop "being emo" or whatever. I don't have time to deal with you, asshole.
But if you are going to say something positive, be sure you actually mean it. I'm sick of lies to make me feel better.
I don't know why, but I have no self-esteem or confidence. Like, I don't think I am good at anything. I always think I finally found my niche (theater) and then I see and hear myself on film, and I absolutely hate it. Why can't I just be good at something? I mean like REALLY good. I don't know anything that I thoroughly enjoy that I'm good at.
Also, I am not confident with the group of friends I have. I know my status and I know what people think of me. Or do I? Am I just paranoid? I don't know. It's always been like this. With every group of friends I've had. That's why I keep quiet when there's a larger group. Even when it's like just me and two others, I keep quiet. I know that I can be annoying and completely naive. I know that people think I'm the dirtiest whore who only wants to get some action and then just walk off. I'm afraid that people tell me to my face that they are my friends, but they really aren't. I know people talk behind my back. I wish they wouldn't, and just be straight forward with me. I know what people think of me. And it makes me so upset to know that people think so low of me. I have no will power. I do what I'm asked of. I hate it. I don't like letting people down. I don't know. Something is wrong with me. I look up to so many people, but none look up to me. I'm not a role model. I have nothing to be proud of. I've fucked up in life so much, that there is no way I can get myself a good reputation. It's seriously pathetic.
I've been so stressed lately. I have no idea why. You would think that coming out with a C in English, the class I thought I was going to fail, would take huge bricks off my shoulders, right? Well, wrong. I'm still absolutely miserable every day. What is missing? I don't understand. Maybe once Abner is over with, things will get better. But I said that about school, but that obviously didn't work. What am I going to do with myself?
And Oh, Jesus. It ticks me off so much that literally my entire group of friends is going to be involved with this huge thing and those who organized it didn't say a word of it to me. I know I'm not amazing, but I want to be a part of it at least. His head is too big for his own body anyway. I don't know what to think of him. I need to sit down and talk to him about everything very soon. Ugh, I'm about to explode.
If you are going to comment negatively on this blog about how I should stop "being emo" or whatever. I don't have time to deal with you, asshole.
But if you are going to say something positive, be sure you actually mean it. I'm sick of lies to make me feel better.
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